MAY

THE SCIARRA REPORT EISENSTEIN EDITION

The following is a report from special LOOMG contributor Lizzie Eisenstein

You heard it here first! Trend forecast! Summer 12 is:

1.) The summer that the number of assholes on skateboards reached critical mass.

2.) The summer that the number of food trucks circulating in each city reached critical mass.

3.) The summer that the number of asses hanging out of obscenely short cut-off levi's reached critical mass.

ITS NOT OKAY

HOW REAL THIS DREAM I HAD WAS WHERE I WAS JUST MAKING OUT WITH TAYLOR HAWKINS (DRUMMER OF THE FOO FIGHTERS) IM TRYING TO PLACE WHAT SUBCONSCIOUS MERIT THIS HAS BUT REALLY ITS JUST MY UTERUS FUCKING WITH ME.



GROSS RIGHT? NO! HE WAS LIKE THIS MECHANIC IN MY DREAM BUT ALSO STILL THE DRUMMER OF THE FOO FIGHTERS SO IT WAS JUST THIS GODAWFUL SEXY JOE DIRT THING GOING ON - IT WAS DISGUSTING.

DEAR DIARY

Remember when you watched Rock n' Roll High School when you were thirteen and freaked out over this scene and then watched it again when you were twenty-two and still your heart sank? We can talk about Dee Dee Ramone in the shower and that look that makes you forget how to typoeejno -

THE LAUGH

We Need to Not Talk About Chris Brown

Every six months or so I get really obsessed with a non-news item - in other words I’ll buy a ticket for about one of every 25 shit shows. I can't remember exactly what the last one was - but right now I am delighted by CHRIS BROWN VERSUS THE WORLD. Did this all start with him being "allowed" to perform on the Grammy's? I suppose it was more of when the rumors started that him and Rihanna were getting back together. MANY INTERESTING THINGS ABOUT THIS TOPIC FOR ME. Item - if a person is extremely talented, albeit a dick - should one not enjoy said dicks work. Chris Brown is unfortunately one in a very long list of entertainers that fucked up. What I am fascinated by though is the extent in which Chris Brown is being persecuted on every media outlet while getting a considerable amount of air time on the radio. Unfortunately if Actor XYZ shot and killed wife #25 as you read this, there would not be such a tremendous backlash, and they would probably eventually be found not guilty. I suppose what freaks me out about this situation is the insanely steep stances every side is taking. This guy got into a tweet-fight with Brown and is challenging him to a “fair match” mano a mano.
While I would like to acknowledge Mr. Punks gallantry there's something familiar and dangerous in his discourse - that unbeknownst to him is very damaging and real. He says something along the lines of "women are to be revered" true that bro but check it out - while I would like to see the bookoo proceeds from this match go to every women's shelter you're not exactly advancing gender equality by curating this "fair match" - look at the language. Bascially he’s insinuating that women are incapable of defending themselves. AND NO ONE BUT ME sees the irony of a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER who makes $$$$ beating people up offering up his services to beat someone up, to teach someone who beat someone up a lesson? It's easy to miss but unfortunately it is more easy to ignore subtleties like the language used by team anti-Brown that have a lot to do why domestic violence has a space to exist in the first place.
I feel disappointed by the pop-feminist community as well - they seemed to ignore Rihanna all together, regardless of whether they are getting back together or not. I don't feel like they're advancing the issue any by consistently talking about him while hardly respecting, or listening to the victim. Look - I hardly want to ignore the gravity of what Brown did - I just can't stand the self censoring prefixes (like I just did!) that will always be assigned to just him - especially since the incident seemed to be out of character for Brown. You've heard it before! Someone will say - "now everyone makes mistakes - but the new Chris Brown ..." I guess I'm just pissed no one will ever say "Did you see that rerun of one and a half men and the man who shot at his wife?" At the end of the day, I feel like he’s a very talented man. Excellent dancer, very charismatic.